Science Bros, ASSEMBLE!
by Ash Gray Kitsune
Summary: I'm not sorry. At all. Come read about the shenanigans that take place when crazy shoves reason off a cliff, and invites Wil Wheaton to the wake. Rated for language, and c'mon, it's Tony. And Howard.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Science Bros, Assemble!

**Author:** Ash Gray Kitsune

**Fandom(s):** Avengers Movieverse, Big Bang Theory

**Pairings:** I'll let y'all use your imaginations.

**Summary:** Tony pays a visit with Bruce to Caltech, and discovers Sheldon and Leonard trying desperately to get Howard and Raj free of yet another robotic arm, though this time it wasn't attached to Howard's...ahem. After introductions and drinks courtesy of Tony's portable wet bar, the two older scientists take the four under their wings, just in time to stave off an attack from a very drunk, and very enthusiastic Thor dragging his brother, Steve, and the agents behind him. Hilarity, foul language, and Wil Wheaton ensues.

**Science Bros, ASSEMBLE!**

"No, no, Sheldon, please, you don't know the cod-OW OW OW!" Howard's yelps sounded across the cafeteria again, and Leonard winced, trying very hard to keep a wide-eyed Raj from moving.

"Sheldon, will you PLEASE let me look at the computer? You know you're not allowed to play with binary when you're cranky." The look he was given nearly made him throw up his hands in disgust, except then Raj would likely fall on his head, considering the way he was dangling from the enormous robotic arm's claw. "C'mon, Sheldon. Don't make me nag and whine all day long."

"Your notion of nagging is absolutely _nothing_ compared to my mother." Came the tart response as the taller man hunched over the laptop, brow furrowed as he tried to read through the lines, searching out the release protocols that Howard had so kindly shuffled into the next week when he'd so enthusiastically showed his friends the newest of the robotics scheduled for the Dragon's launch in three months. "And Wolowitz, I know that you're excited for this...monstrosity to be propelled into the farthest reaches of the Space Station's grasp, but really, you could have done a far better job of organizing this. Oh, right, I forgot; you're just an engineer."

"Bite me, Cooper." Came a faint growl, tangled up as Howard was in the second joint, his hands pinned to his chest, his legs braced against the arm's base. There had been a smaller accessory arm attached to the larger creation; that now held Howard in a bearhug, one that had been slowly tightening until he'd managed to kick the emergancy stop. Unfortunately...that meant that they also couldn't get either man free without more drastic measures.

"I think not. Don't you know that the human mouth is absolutely teeming with disgusting little bacterium? Oh, right. You're an engineer. I really should remember that..."

"Knock it off, Sheldon. Antagonizing Howard is not helping matters."

"But it's so much fun! Come now, Leonard, you absolutely _must_ agree." One eyebrow raised, and Sheldon huffed out a sigh. "You spoil everything, Hofstadter." Leonard sighed.

"Yes, that's what I was born to do, Sheldon. Any luck finding the protocols?"

"No, and before you ask as to whether I looked in _all_ the hard drives for it, the answer is yes, and no, I have not found them yet. Given the amount of trash he's cluttered this poor, poor laptop with, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if I found...oh." He turned sharply towards Howard, hands on his hips. "Bernadette is going to be furious with you, mister! How lewd must you be?!"

"There's nothing on there!"

"And you call lavicious IM's between Glesenda the Troll and your Rogue nothing!" Raj looked up at Leonard.

"At least everyone left an hour ago..."

"Hey now, kiddos, what's all this?" Came the amused voice of one Anthony E. Stark, leaning against the cafeteria's wall, a slightly shorter, dark-haired man peering short-sightedly from behind him over at the four younger scientists. Tony looked chicly rumpled in a dark gray suit and crisp white shirt, his tie undone and coat thrown over one shoulder as he peered over his sunglasses, a grin inching across his face. Leonard jerked, just a little, in surprise, and winced in sympathy when Howard did the same. Raj had just clung to Leonard's arm, and Sheldon...didn't even bat an eyelash.

"Looks like someone got a little enthusiastic with his bot...not unlike a certain engineer I know." Bruce Banner replied, slipping from behind Tony, straightening his glasses as he did so, and watching them all with a bemused smile. Tony laughed at that, and walking across the concrete, he set his sunglasses and coat on a table, rolling up his sleeves as his eyes narrowed, running up and down the arm's framework.

"I think I'm going to agree with that assessment, big guy. Alright, nancy-pants, scoot." With a casual hip-bump, Tony had sidled Sheldon out of the way, completely ignoring his look of outrage, and his fingers danced across the keyboard, searching out the perfect little piece of coding while Bruce came over to examine both Raj and Howard for any injuries. He beamed at Leonard.

"Not every day you get to see a pair of young guys trussed up by a robotic arm, right?" Leonard chuckled dryly and motioned to Howard.

"Well, the last time this happened, this was smaller-" He tapped the arm's frame. "And he was in the process of using it for a distinctly different purpose." Bruce blinked, and looked at Howard, then the lightbulb went off and he started laughing softly.

"Oh, god...If it makes you feel any better, Tony's done the same thing."

"I resent that I resemble that remark, Banner." Tony's voice wasn't terribly angry, though, and there was a note of genuine humor in it, something that Bruce outright grinned at. "And for the record, that was when I was seventeen, drunk off my ass, and well on my way to alcohol poisoning. Also, I hadn't bathed in a week. So there was no one, paid to or not, who was going to come over and give me the lay I desperately needed."

"Your habit of using technology for illogical purposes not withstanding?"

"Not withstanding at all. Not at all. Are you calling my bots illogical? And after all Dummy's done for you...AHA. Hang on, kids, it's about to be a wild ride!" With a flourish, Tony released the claw and second arm, leaving Howard to fall down the framework, bouncing off the floor a little, and Raj to tumble into Leonard and Bruce's arms. Tony stood back, practically crowing to himself, when he sensed a disturbance in the Force behind him, and turned to look over his shoulder at the scathing glare Sheldon was _still_ giving him.

"So, Erkel, still mad at me?"

"My name is _not_ Erkel. I am Doctor Sheldon Cooper, and you, sir, are a cad."

"I'm also a robotics engineer who runs Stark Industries, the Avengers Tower, oh, and I'm Iron Man. Tony Stark, at your friends' service. Also, don't get fresh with me, kid. Now, you other three...who's the brilliant bastard who put this puppy together?" He asked, smiling at Raj, Leonard, and Howard, before he pointed to the engineer before him, arms crossing. "It was you, wasn't it? It's always the ladies' men who build the best bots..." Howard grinned a little sheepishly.

"Well, uh, y'know..."

" 'Course I know! I'm a Stark; we invented that sort of thing. Now, since we have a robotic arm here...I'm gonna take a wild guess and say Space Station?" Howard grinned again, and Tony saluted him, smirking all the while. "And I stand at Awesome: 3, chicken-legs over there 0. So, my fine young gentlemen...names, professions, and current maritial status, so I don't piss off any spouses or relations with what I'm about to offer you." Leonard blinked, and started to speak when Sheldon rushed in, still angry.

"How dare you even _think _about offering my colleagues and Wolowitz a free ticket into your depravities! I know what you do, Mr. Stark, and I find it alternately appalling and disgusting!" Tony listened to him go on for some time before he reached out, clasped Sheldon's shoulder, and leaned around him to give Leonard a look.

"Does he do this all the time?" Three pairs of rolled eyes nearly made Tony snort, and Leonard sighed.

"You have no idea..."

"I had dinner with Leonard Nimoy last night." That one phrase left Sheldon's jaw hanging, and Tony sat back on one heel, shit-eating grin plastered across his lips. "Now shut up, beanpole, and let's go do science, losers!"

**IT SUCKS. IT SO TOTALLY SUCKS. BUT IT SO HAD TO GET OUT THERE SOMEHOW. I am not the least bit sorry, either.**


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Science Bros, Assemble!

**Author:** Ash Gray Kitsune

**Fandom(s):** Avengers Movieverse, Big Bang Theory

**Pairings:** I'll let y'all use your imaginations.

**Disclaimer: I do not own either The Avengers or Big Bang Theory. If I did...well, I wouldn't be sitting here on a ten year old laptop, I can tell you that much.**

**Summary:** Tony pays a visit with Bruce to Caltech, and discovers Sheldon and Leonard trying desperately to get Howard and Raj free of yet another robotic arm, though this time it wasn't attached to Howard's...ahem. After introductions and drinks courtesy of Tony's portable wet bar, the two older scientists take the four under their wings, just in time to stave off an attack from a very drunk, and very enthusiastic Thor dragging his brother, Steve, and the agents behind him. Hilarity, foul language, and Wil Wheaton ensues.

**A/N:** By the way, all the nicknames that are used in this fic aren't meant to hurt anyone...you know that Tony can't pass up popping Sheldon's ego.

**Science Bros, ASSEMBLE**

Tony led the nerd herd outside once they'd left the robotic arm in Howard's lab, locked up and safe, and sauntered a little to where Bruce was waiting with a...van.

"Banner, seriously? This is your idea of a cool car?"

"You wanted mobility for six people, and Happy's driven the Ferrari back home already."

"Not acceptable, Banner. Not acceptable at all. I will not allow this to continu-Hi, this is Anthony Stark. Yes, that Tony Stark. I'd appreciate it if you could send one of your stretch limos down to Caltech...Cafeteria parking. Yup. Look for the guy in the gray suit...yeah, that's me. Okay, thanks, just charge it to my account...I have a running account already? Awesome, saves me the trouble of making one...alright, good. Just send the bills to Stark Industries, you know the drill...Thanks, yeah, bye." He tapped the call end button and slid his sleek baby back into his jacket, and grinned at Bruce.

"You are the most conceited man on the face of the planet." Came Banner's reply, and Bruce cuffed him lightly on the head, hardly displacing that grin at all.

"Aw, c'mon, you know you love me! Or at least, you love Candyland back in NYC." The other four guys were still watching them banter back and forth, Sheldon looking like he was constipated, while Leonard, Howard, and Raj all were grinning nervously. "Bruce, my love, you're scandalizing the children." Bruce made a rude sound and took his glasses off to clean them, one eyebrow raised over at the billionaire.

"Since being around you, Tony, I've learned that the definition of 'scandal' has your picture next to it. No words, just you." Stark clutched his chest and mimed an arc reactor explosion, his favorite form of heart attack.

"Oh, god, you're a horrible man, Doctor! Horrible! You should know by now that it's not me in that picture, it's my life-size body double robot. I wouldn't be caught dead in a thesaurus." Raj and Howard both snickered at that, and Leonard snerked, trying to hide the smile on his face from Sheldon.

"I don't see what's so amusing..."

"Of course you don't, Sheldon. The guy's a genius on a level we can only hope to aspire to, and he's got a sense of humor. Sure, it's a little...twisted...but it's hilarious!"

"I agree. He's funny, smart, good-looking, and rich; what isn't there to like?" Tony grinned a little and gave Raj a salute, and started looking around for the case he'd brought with him...

"Aha! Bruce, sangria, like usual?" He asked the doctor, unfolding the portable bar's legs and opening it to reveal a small army of mini-liquor bottles, an orange, a lemon, a lime, and a bottle of cranberry juice. He pulled a small pocket knife from his coat pocket and set up the tumblers on one fold-out tray, the fruit on another. "Raj, Howard, Leonard? I'm gonna take a wild guess and say that Doctor Jerk over there doesn't drink." Bruce just rolled his eyes and took up the round glass, waiting patiently for his tequila, orange slice, and cranberry.

"Might as well partake, gentlemen; social drinking with Tony is an experience, I will tell you." Leonard smiled.

"A Sonic Screwdriver, please..."

"Ah, a Drunken Moogle fan. My favorite tumblr." Howard looked a little awed, now.

"You're on tumblr?"

"Of course I am, I helped program part of it back in the day...You look like a strawberry martini fan, am I right? And you, my good astrophysicist, make me think cherry...cherry bomb, coming right up!" Raj stared at him.

"How does he do that?!"

"Probably the 25+ years of drinking and sneaking into my dad's liquor cabinet when he was away. Which was all the time, so I learned how to mix drinks so that he wouldn't notice the alcohol missing...and from there, the twenty or so years spent hobnobbing with snobs. Makes it really easy to figure out who likes what which way. And here we are, gentlemen! And a virgin fruit drink for Dr. Cooper over there; looks like I should have added prune juice to the mix, though." Sheldon sniffed derisively, and the others took their drinks, happy to enjoy the rush of alcohol that came hard on the heels of the adrenaline still making this all seem like a dream.

They were having drinks with Tony Stark and Bruce Banner, and watching the two geniuses bicker about everyday things, two successful, brilliant men...Howard nudged Leonard.

"Is it just me hallucinating, or is this really happening?" Leonard grinned at both of them, and held up his glass in a small toast.

"It's really happening. I don't know how, but it is. And now we're going to his labs, without anything more than an invitation...we didn't have to get clearance or time off or grant money. It's awesome..."

"I wonder if we'll see Pepper Potts there..." Raj mused, and at the looks from his friends, got defensive. "I'd like to tell her she's doing a fine job running the company!"

"That she is, Doctor Koothrappali; she's a class-A dame, as Steve would say." That broke a little of Sheldon's barrier, and he came up to the group now, eyes intent on Tony.

"Steve? As in Steve Rogers? As in Captain America?"

"The very same. Though he can't tell that to her face, you know; Pep has a hell of a punch. I should know, I've been on the receiving end more than a few times. Why, you curious about him? He's in New York at the moment, sorting out his life, but he always has time for a fan." His lips snapped shut at that, and Tony sighed a little, sipping his own dirty martini as they waited for the limo. Kid was gonna drive him nuts...

When a sound that made his blood run cold filled the air.

"FRIEND TONY! FRIEND BRUCE! I HAVE FOUND YOU ONCE MORE!" Thor. Drunk.

**SO MUCH DIALOGUE. I used to be really good at that, but it's been hard lately. Hope this passes muster? I'm off to finish up the next chapter in The Winter Soldier, and post my Clintasha/Portal crossover fic.**


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